You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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