im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Soap is not a condiment
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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