I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
