xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Randomize
