he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
