I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
