Little spoons don't ask big questions
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
