Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
