my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
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We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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