nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
