Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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