i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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