Pants 0. Shit 1.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
