got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
