I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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