Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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