Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
