fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
