i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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