the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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