so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
