...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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