That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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