Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
