my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
