Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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