So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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