ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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