Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
