some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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