why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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