We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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