I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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