maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
