but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
