His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
