put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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