I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
