I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
