What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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