We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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