Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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