You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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