Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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