I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
