i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
