You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
