My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
