I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
