I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
