JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
