i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
