I swear she didn't look like that last week.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
