we're blogging at a bar
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
