Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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