Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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