Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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