So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
