Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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