Having a random hookup so left but love u
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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