He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
