Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
