i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
