apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
