Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
