i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
