she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
